The Sewing Cabinet

It sat for weeks in my garage, collecting dust. I couldn't let it go but I wasn't sure where to put it. My mother’s sewing cabinet. When someone dear dies, those possessions they leave behind become precious. My mom was a person of very few belongings. She lived on very little income. This was her choice and I respected her for it.

What money and things she received usually passed straight through her hands into someone else’s. She put Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”, into daily practice.

One of the things I most treasure of hers is the old sewing cabinet. It’s not a priceless antique and it’s a fairly simple looking piece of furniture. And some of you will think my memories that are associated with it are morbid. You see, it’s where she kept all her last instructions for me – life insurance, memorial service details, paperwork. And each time I went home, we would go to the little desk and she would pull out the drawers and show me where everything was.

My mom and I had viewed her death as just one more long trip. We believe this life on earth is the journey and at the end we are returning home. She was excited about it and I was able to be as well because I knew it represented complete freedom from pain, peace and joy and reunion for her.

Also, my dad died when I was twenty and I am an only child. So all those details she worked out were her way of protecting me as much as she could. She didn’t want me to have to deal with them after she was gone and I was grateful for that.

But there was something else. Last night I was sitting on the porch trying to figure out why the little chest meant so much. Then I remembered the year it came.

We were not wealthy by any means but we always had enough and Christmas was always an exciting time at my house because my Daddy would spring little surprises on us. I would climb into the back seat of the car to go to Sunday School and there would be a box of Christmas chocolates. One year he bought little iced cakes decorated with sugar holly and candles from the bakery just for fun. We would drive to the country and fill the car with holly and mistletoe.

I was about five years old the year the truck pulled up in front of the house and delivered the package. It seemed huge to me and, thinking back, it must have been at least six or seven feet tall. I was beside myself to know what was in it. I knew it was for Mother and it sat in our kitchen, the only room that would hold it. For days we stared at it, trying to guess.

I pleaded with Daddy to tell me what was in it. And guess what – he did! He impressed upon me the need to keep the secret, but he told me it was a sewing machine in a refrigerator box. I felt so important, sharing this confidence.

Thinking back now, I am so humbled by that trust. It had to have been a very dear and expensive gift for him to give. And the surprise must have been so important to him. And yet he trusted me with it. And I kept it. And it further cemented the degree of love and trust between the two of us.

So now, the little cabinet sits on my porch, a reminder of the love, the Christmas memories and the trust.

The Greatest Question

I make such a simple thing so very hard! It’s at once the hardest question in the universe and the easiest to answer – the hardest to accomplish and the easiest to fail. The basis of many scenes in movies, punch lines in jokes and subjects of cartoons:

What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?

People would say that if I know the answer to that question I could be a rich woman. Oh that it were so! Because I do know the answer. As believers, we all do. However, it often does no good to give it because, unless the Holy Spirit is speaking, a non-believer’s ears are closed and eyes are blind. (Matthew 13:13, “…though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.")

Let’s look at the answer for a moment though. Why hard and easy at the same time? We are here for one thing – simply to have a relationship with God, to love Him and be loved by Him. But what about glorifying Him, what about telling others, what about (and here’s the tricky part) good works?

If we love, really love our God and Father; if our desire is to know Him better through prayer and His Word; if our eye is on the prize of becoming more and more like Jesus, the rest will follow. Our words, our actions, the love of God that flows naturally from us WILL glorify Him. We will WANT to tell others about Him because we will be so excited about this abundant life He wants to provide.

Good works will be a part of what we do because we want to please Him, not because we think we can earn extra love or be deserving of God’s grace. That can never happen. It’s a pure gift. Pure…and simple.

Jeremiah 31:3
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

For Those Who Think Young

For those of you too young to remember, it was an advertising slogan: “Pepsi! For those who think young.” I prefer Coke. But that’s not what’s kept me from thinking young.

It’s this whole retirement issue. I gave a lot of thought, and words, to how I expected retirement to impact Steve. I assumed I would sail right through – handle the move well, continue to write, serve, be productive – my well-adjusted self. As I’ve reiterated to my family and friends through phone calls, conversations and the blog, I’ve morphed into an emotional, poorly adjusted mess.

I’ve concentrated on the downside of retirement, the things I’ve missed – my first Christmas away from my Virginia home, the first snow (blizzard!), all the other firsts I’ve moaned about privately and to anyone who would listen. Oh, I’ve had sparks of settling in and there have been peaks to the ride. But adjusting, long-term, it’s-all-good adjusting, is only just starting to come.

Our house is being renovated. And the rooms have pretty much been turned upside down. Surprisingly, I’m okay with it; I expected my ordered mind to explode during this process. But I’ve decided I’m just numb. I’ve been sick, but also I’ve turned my emotions off.

Getting well after honking, snuffling sickness does wonders for the soul. I got up yesterday morning and breathed – through my nose! And life looked pretty good. I felt well enough to do some work, begin to get the place in order in a way that I have not been able to since we moved in. This morning, I had the coughing again, but it’s gone now and I’m feeling great. And for the first time, I felt retired, in a good way.

And I began to look at the upside of retirement. As James McDonald advises, replacing an attitude of complaining with thankfulness. And I realized that I’ve been thinking a lot about getting old and looking back instead of forward.

Steve and I had our children at a relatively young age and, if God wills it, we have years of enjoying life and each other ahead of us. We live in such a beautiful community with people who are sweet and dear. And 2009 has also been a wonderful year of firsts here – a neighborhood picnic on the fourth of July; a trip out into the country for field-fresh sweet corn; a pontoon convoy across two lakes, through a lock and down a river for fresh seafood; golf cart caroling; a Christmas parade across the lake in lit pontoons; and a sweet new year celebration with new friends.

I realized that I was letting God’s work, or lack of it, weigh me down. I was so intent on “serving”, as if it was work that I needed to do and didn’t know how to proceed with right now. All I feel the need to do at the moment is write this blog and settle into our home. And enjoy life! This is the first time in 20 years that I have not gone through an accounting year-end close process! I look at the days ahead with no bosses, no deadlines, no alarm clocks. And I feel enthusiastic, young, and ready for a Coke!

The Right Side of the Bed

Steve’s ankle hurts. Therefore, at some serious urging from me, he is taking the day off from his planned fishing trip and he lies on the couch, foot elevated, watching TV and occasionally whining a bit.

I was unpacking groceries in the kitchen and doing a little Christmas decorating. And I heard a man on Law and Order (a man who was probably a suspect in his wife’s murder) say, “You don’t know how much I love her. She was the reason I got up every morning.”

And I began to think, why do we get up in the morning anyway? I mean aside from the obvious pecan pie on Thanksgiving and excitement of Christmas morning. On an ordinary day, why do we get out of bed? Suspend the whole, “Because, you nut, I have a job that I have to go to” argument. You see, that is no longer a consideration for Steve and for me. Therefore, I can address these thought-provoking, gut level questions.

If you did not have to get up to be at work, consider Saturdays and Sundays and lay aside the “because I have to go to the store to get milk” reasons, what makes your day? I guess I’m asking at the very basic level, what makes you tick?

Why do Steve and I get out of bed, when we finally don’t really have to? Is golf really the reason he gets up every morning? Settle down, sweetie, I’m just joking. But it’s one of those questions that’s not as easy to answer as you would think.

So I started the thought process. Because I live in this beautiful place. Because I love my husband. Because I want to serve my God. All perfectly lovely reasons to get out of bed every morning. When I was more militant, I would have frowned and said, “Because I’m here to glorify God and tell the world about Him!” But is that even it?

I believe, I hope, the reason I face each new day is quite simply because I love my Lord. That’s it. And the amazing thing is that’s all He requires! But the beauty of His plan is that when I go forward to meet with Him, to just love Him every day, He fills my heart and my soul with love, joy and peace. And that makes me love Steve and my family, my friends and this perfect life He’s provided for me. It makes me want to serve Him and to tell the world about Him. Simple, undemanding love. It’s the reason I get up every morning.

Lamentations 3:23-25
Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him….

Simply Feeling Peaceful

It’s crept up on me again. That emotional, roller-coaster time of year when at one moment life is not only good, but vibrant, exciting, full of promise and – whoops, the next minute is here already and, hang on, I’m plunging down that mudbank of despair. All right, I hear you. Maybe I’m exaggerating a wee bit.

But aren’t the holidays something of a mixed blessing? I blame it all on the grocery stores. Where the Halloween candy sat yesterday, there sits on November 1 a display of canned pumpkin, cranberry sauce, mini marshmallows, nuts and spices. And my blood begins pumping. Not with thoughts of the Thanksgiving food, but everything that goes with it. The harvest decorations, (which for me are the ones I pulled out in late September and are now beginning to look a little tired – my gourds are moldy for goodness sake!), the travel plans, the step onto the holidays merry-go-round.

No, it’s not about the fixins’. It’s about the whole family event. My thoughts race forward to what this year will be like, older adults and the absence of children and grandchildren, and my emotions begin to plunge as I remember past beautiful and ideal Thanksgivings. Wait. We are a normal family – we had no perfect Thanksgivings! But jostling, crowded, table-bulging dinners with too many chairs at one table and children complaining about the lack of chocolate desserts – those we had.

Just indulge me one more quick personal note and you’ll be glad you did. Because, wow, do I have a holiday tip for you! All those lovely Thanksgiving pies and cakes? Our family eats those on Thanksgiving morning for breakfast with the Macy’s parade. C’mon you know you’re too full to really enjoy those after the big meal. And you’ll love them with a big fire in the morning. I know I’m too late this year, but you can remember it for the next.

Hop off the Thanksgiving tilt-a-whirl and get in this long line for the Christmas bone-jarring, brain-rattling roller coaster! Rinse out the last of the Tupperware that held those turkey leftovers because you’ve got only a few short weeks to sample this smorgasbord of ups and downs, this eat stress like candy, this try to catch the spirit of, this why do I hate this holiday I love thrill ride.

We go through it every year, don’t we? It looks like we’d learn. I think it’s because the season, the day, is so important we just want to get it right. We do want to pay tribute to the Savior whose birth we celebrate. But we also want to love our families and honor our friendships and show our appreciation to those we love. We just feel this deep sense of obligation while the child in us screams “Why can’t it be like it used to be! What about my fun?”

All that to say I have no answers for you. But I can reach out my hand and offer you the promise of peace – sweet, quiet, personal peace – in the midst of all the bell-ringing, cash register craziness. And that is no small gift. Don’t misunderstand. It’s not mine to offer. I’m just the messenger.

But imagine this – a small oasis, a sweet smile and an understanding heart that is eager to join yours when the lines get too long or the noise gets too jarring. Jesus is standing right next to you and He understands it all because He’s felt it all – the press of the crowds, the demanding voices, the rejection of family, the failure to please when you’ve offered the perfect gift. He feels your pain and He’s holding out His hand to relieve you of the burden.

Just take a deep breath and go there with Him to that place of quiet rest in the middle of the mall. Personal peace. You’ll still ride the emotional roller coaster. But you’ll ride it with a smile.

Isaiah 26:3; John 14:27
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

A Porch Is Still a Porch

I wouldn’t even say anything. But it’s about the porch. And I feel like I owe it to you to report. The screens are down. New and improved? I hope so. We have waffled on this decision for some time. We didn’t want to give up the sounds of nature for comfort.

We’re told we will be able to use the porch year-round now, whereas the heat and the sun used to drive us in for about 8 hours a day, 5 months out of the year.

We haven’t spent an entire winter here yet. I’d love to be able to inform you that the snow and the cold drive us in as well. I’m praying for snow but the rest of the community, I believe, is praying the opposite. Time will tell. Regardless, the porch will be both cooled and heated.

I’ve had at least one friend here who groaned when I told her, “Will it still be Penny’s porch?” Oh yeah. Because as far as I’m concerned, a porch is all about attitude. The rockers will be there. And you’ll never hear me call it a sun room, Carolina room, spare room.

However, there will be glass, floor to ceiling. Big windows that I can open and still hear the rain, the wind and the birds. And that’s what it’s all about. We talked to several people and found the most open plan we could find.

So please continue to visit. Coffee maker still works and I have a rocker reserved for you. Y’all come!

God of Wonder

I was listening to the radio Saturday night while driving home and the lyrics caught my attention. “Your baby blues, so full of wonder….” (Plumb) which led, thought-progression-wise, to the upcoming Christmas season and that Gloria Estefan song about seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child.

And I felt a little wistful and nostalgic. Because the holidays were always such an exciting and fun time for me as a child. But I’m not taking you there. We’re going someplace else.

I know God’s desire for me is a childlike faith – complete trust, open-hearted love and a life lived with abandon for Him. I’ve also learned that He often answers my prayers in a positive way when the end result will be my deeper relationship with Him and a life lived to His glory.

So I prayed. I asked God to restore to me a sense of wonder. Not in a Disney, computer-animated, wow me kind of way. I want to see God’s creation, His awesomeness through the eyes of a child again.

In her book, “Awakening Your Sense of Wonder”, Janet Chester Bly says that “Wonder is the ability to be amazed or offer sincere respect or count some things as sacred. We grow in wonder when we…allow the attitude of awe and appreciation to rule, rather than skepticism and resentment. Wonder is a moment of enlightenment, a ‘graced moment’ when the humdrum tingles with excitement, when we’re faced with a scene straight out of heaven’s drama or tranquility.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of skepticism, cynicism and pessimism. I need the mind of a child! I want to be wowed all right, but by the small things that I would normally consider mundane. Listen to what Janet Bly goes on to say: “We’re so immersed in the gifts of the ordinary that we can’t see them. The rich jewels of our daily inheritance awaken in us no more wonder than the gold-and-antique-encrusted rooms of a fifty-room palace dazzle a spoiled prince. Appreciation and longing and gratefulness remain unborn until we lack something that we’ve taken for granted.”

So I prayed. I want to notice them now. I want to praise God for His good and perfect gifts this minute. I want to be aware of the world around me and be awed by it.

The next morning, I stood on my driveway waiting for a ride to church. My attention was drawn to a snail making its way across the cement. Its head was fully extended and I could see the shell rolling slightly from side to side as it lumbered forward. I was mesmerized. And my mind began to think of all those creatures that God has given homes and protection on their backs. And how different each one is. I was stopped dead in my thoughts and AWED by the fact that God is indeed awakening a sense of wonder in me again. All I had to do was ask!

Mark 10:14-16
When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.