The Music of Sound

Is silence golden? You bet. It can be, anyway. When I need to get quiet in my spirit, I need quiet in my ears. When I want to feel the full brunt of anger or self-pity, I'm better off in silence. If there is no noise, no music to encourage my downward spiral, God will quickly draw me out and up.

Most of the time, music has filled my life. From "Glow Little Glow-Worm" and "Mr. Sandman" when I was a small child to Elvis, the Beatles, Otis Redding and Carla Thomas, Led Zeppelin, Jefferson Airplane, on and on. Rock fueled my teen-aged rebellion. It was an embarrassingly mild one - music's being the only form it took. I didn't even have a driver's license! But while my peers were driving fast, testing alcohol, breaking curfew, I turned up the volume behind my bedroom door.

With the piano lessons came a love of classical music and an appreciation for the precision and analytical mind of J.S. Bach. His was truly inspired creation. 60's soul warred with the Beatles for my time. As a young adult, I moved to CSN&Y, Fleetwood Mac, Cat Stevens. Disco came and eventually gave way to another rebellion at forty. I discovered Pink Floyd, the Cure, and Van Halen. Over the years my kids introduced me to Pearl Jam, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Jane's Addiction and Fiona Apple.

And through it all, every October through December Christmas rang throughout the house. Traditional, pop, country - it didn't matter. For me the message was the same.

Then I lost my Mom. Sounds strange that it should so affect my life, but I became someone else. The music stopped. But the faith set in.

On a trip South with my friend, Michelle, I tentatively pulled out my Cure and Pure Funk CDs. Out came her collection of contemporary Christian and I was hooked. It dominates my listening time now.

But in the morning and at sunset, when I rock on the porch, it's the sounds that make my music. Away from the white noise of suburban life and sirens and trash trucks, it starts as silence. My ears begin to notice new music - the short chirp of a cardinal, the whistling, whirring noise of the wings of startled mourning doves as they take flight, the plaintive honks of geese overhead. A wind bringing rain sounds wild; the breeze after the storm signals peace. I've heard the roar of an alligator and the springing sound of tree toads - like children jumping on old mattresses. South Carolina music.

Clear a Path to the Mug

Can I just switch sides? I'm a night person. My Steve is a "get-up-early-get-the-day-moving" kind of guy. He hops out of bed at 6:30 with bright eyes and a grin for the dogs. I slog out as late as I can get away with and feel my way into the kitchen for a mug.

Coffee opens my eyes but only barely. We troop with the dogs out to the back porch to enjoy the shade before the South Carolina sun begins to climb. Steve is eager to talk about our day; I prefer to wrap my hands around my cup and ruminate on my coffee. After 39 years, he has learned to let me ease my way into the day.

How do I collect this garbage in my brain that makes my morning outlook so sour? For my writing I'm supposed to, first thing, get up and write three pages of "brain dump", stream-of-consciousness onto paper. This usually ends up being mostly about my dreams which are consistently vivid and usually weird. I do gripe a bit and I write a lot about my to do list. I pray some and I worry some.

The best way for me to start my day is with a cup of coffee, my Bible and my back porch. I slip out and find God waiting for me, just us with a breeze and no sounds but birds. (South Carolina birds seem to like to sleep a little later so I can still enjoy them by the time I'm settled in the rocker.)

So how to start the day for a night person who's a morning grump? When I can remember to greet God first and give Him my day, my spirit is eased a bit. I'm still slow but I'm on the best side.

Psalm 118:24, Romans 12:1b
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. ...Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.

Narrowing My Focus

When my kids were young and watching TV, they lost themselves in what they were watching - tunnel vision. If I needed to get their attention, I would call them by name and say, "Look at me in my eyes." Otherwise, my chances were slim of their hearing more than every fourth word or so.

Lately I've been bothered by the opposite condition. We retired and moved to South Carolina the first of April 2009. We have since traveled, been to the pool, ridden in the golf cart, lazed, eaten fried food, ridden bikes and walked the dogs. I have studied my Bible. I have prayed and I have attended church.

What I have not done is write my family and friends back home. I have not started a new writing project. What I have not done is successfully focus my attention on what God has planned for me next.

I believe He means for me to rest for a while. But over the last few weeks, I have become increasingly aware of the responsibility of this time, in huge chunks, that has been made available to me. I know God has plans for me, works that He has prepared for me to carry out. But I also realize that accomplishing all the things I am carrying in my mind is impossible for me, for now at least. How can I complete a project when I continue to look in so many directions?

Don't you just love it when God taps you on the shoulder and says, "here's your answer!" I am taking a Bible study with a group of new friends, "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer. I was sitting in our discussion group on Friday and God whispered to my spirit, "Get your pen and write down everything that you know is in my will for you to be doing right now. Then make another column and write down what I want you to do later."

I wrote the lists and there was my answer! He's given me more than enough to do for right now. My time, His will for me, is full. So I have shelved the other projects and I once again have tunnel vision for those things that I am supposed to be doing today. As I thanked Him for clarifying my purpose, He added, "But you didn't list the blog. It's time to do the blog."

So here we are! I hope you will join me as I begin this new phase of my life. I miss you all in northern Virginia and you will be hearing from me soon. (That was on the list!)

Romans 12:2.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.