The Sewing Cabinet

It sat for weeks in my garage, collecting dust. I couldn't let it go but I wasn't sure where to put it. My mother’s sewing cabinet. When someone dear dies, those possessions they leave behind become precious. My mom was a person of very few belongings. She lived on very little income. This was her choice and I respected her for it.

What money and things she received usually passed straight through her hands into someone else’s. She put Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”, into daily practice.

One of the things I most treasure of hers is the old sewing cabinet. It’s not a priceless antique and it’s a fairly simple looking piece of furniture. And some of you will think my memories that are associated with it are morbid. You see, it’s where she kept all her last instructions for me – life insurance, memorial service details, paperwork. And each time I went home, we would go to the little desk and she would pull out the drawers and show me where everything was.

My mom and I had viewed her death as just one more long trip. We believe this life on earth is the journey and at the end we are returning home. She was excited about it and I was able to be as well because I knew it represented complete freedom from pain, peace and joy and reunion for her.

Also, my dad died when I was twenty and I am an only child. So all those details she worked out were her way of protecting me as much as she could. She didn’t want me to have to deal with them after she was gone and I was grateful for that.

But there was something else. Last night I was sitting on the porch trying to figure out why the little chest meant so much. Then I remembered the year it came.

We were not wealthy by any means but we always had enough and Christmas was always an exciting time at my house because my Daddy would spring little surprises on us. I would climb into the back seat of the car to go to Sunday School and there would be a box of Christmas chocolates. One year he bought little iced cakes decorated with sugar holly and candles from the bakery just for fun. We would drive to the country and fill the car with holly and mistletoe.

I was about five years old the year the truck pulled up in front of the house and delivered the package. It seemed huge to me and, thinking back, it must have been at least six or seven feet tall. I was beside myself to know what was in it. I knew it was for Mother and it sat in our kitchen, the only room that would hold it. For days we stared at it, trying to guess.

I pleaded with Daddy to tell me what was in it. And guess what – he did! He impressed upon me the need to keep the secret, but he told me it was a sewing machine in a refrigerator box. I felt so important, sharing this confidence.

Thinking back now, I am so humbled by that trust. It had to have been a very dear and expensive gift for him to give. And the surprise must have been so important to him. And yet he trusted me with it. And I kept it. And it further cemented the degree of love and trust between the two of us.

So now, the little cabinet sits on my porch, a reminder of the love, the Christmas memories and the trust.

The Greatest Question

I make such a simple thing so very hard! It’s at once the hardest question in the universe and the easiest to answer – the hardest to accomplish and the easiest to fail. The basis of many scenes in movies, punch lines in jokes and subjects of cartoons:

What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?

People would say that if I know the answer to that question I could be a rich woman. Oh that it were so! Because I do know the answer. As believers, we all do. However, it often does no good to give it because, unless the Holy Spirit is speaking, a non-believer’s ears are closed and eyes are blind. (Matthew 13:13, “…though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.")

Let’s look at the answer for a moment though. Why hard and easy at the same time? We are here for one thing – simply to have a relationship with God, to love Him and be loved by Him. But what about glorifying Him, what about telling others, what about (and here’s the tricky part) good works?

If we love, really love our God and Father; if our desire is to know Him better through prayer and His Word; if our eye is on the prize of becoming more and more like Jesus, the rest will follow. Our words, our actions, the love of God that flows naturally from us WILL glorify Him. We will WANT to tell others about Him because we will be so excited about this abundant life He wants to provide.

Good works will be a part of what we do because we want to please Him, not because we think we can earn extra love or be deserving of God’s grace. That can never happen. It’s a pure gift. Pure…and simple.

Jeremiah 31:3
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

For Those Who Think Young

For those of you too young to remember, it was an advertising slogan: “Pepsi! For those who think young.” I prefer Coke. But that’s not what’s kept me from thinking young.

It’s this whole retirement issue. I gave a lot of thought, and words, to how I expected retirement to impact Steve. I assumed I would sail right through – handle the move well, continue to write, serve, be productive – my well-adjusted self. As I’ve reiterated to my family and friends through phone calls, conversations and the blog, I’ve morphed into an emotional, poorly adjusted mess.

I’ve concentrated on the downside of retirement, the things I’ve missed – my first Christmas away from my Virginia home, the first snow (blizzard!), all the other firsts I’ve moaned about privately and to anyone who would listen. Oh, I’ve had sparks of settling in and there have been peaks to the ride. But adjusting, long-term, it’s-all-good adjusting, is only just starting to come.

Our house is being renovated. And the rooms have pretty much been turned upside down. Surprisingly, I’m okay with it; I expected my ordered mind to explode during this process. But I’ve decided I’m just numb. I’ve been sick, but also I’ve turned my emotions off.

Getting well after honking, snuffling sickness does wonders for the soul. I got up yesterday morning and breathed – through my nose! And life looked pretty good. I felt well enough to do some work, begin to get the place in order in a way that I have not been able to since we moved in. This morning, I had the coughing again, but it’s gone now and I’m feeling great. And for the first time, I felt retired, in a good way.

And I began to look at the upside of retirement. As James McDonald advises, replacing an attitude of complaining with thankfulness. And I realized that I’ve been thinking a lot about getting old and looking back instead of forward.

Steve and I had our children at a relatively young age and, if God wills it, we have years of enjoying life and each other ahead of us. We live in such a beautiful community with people who are sweet and dear. And 2009 has also been a wonderful year of firsts here – a neighborhood picnic on the fourth of July; a trip out into the country for field-fresh sweet corn; a pontoon convoy across two lakes, through a lock and down a river for fresh seafood; golf cart caroling; a Christmas parade across the lake in lit pontoons; and a sweet new year celebration with new friends.

I realized that I was letting God’s work, or lack of it, weigh me down. I was so intent on “serving”, as if it was work that I needed to do and didn’t know how to proceed with right now. All I feel the need to do at the moment is write this blog and settle into our home. And enjoy life! This is the first time in 20 years that I have not gone through an accounting year-end close process! I look at the days ahead with no bosses, no deadlines, no alarm clocks. And I feel enthusiastic, young, and ready for a Coke!