For Those Who Think Young

For those of you too young to remember, it was an advertising slogan: “Pepsi! For those who think young.” I prefer Coke. But that’s not what’s kept me from thinking young.

It’s this whole retirement issue. I gave a lot of thought, and words, to how I expected retirement to impact Steve. I assumed I would sail right through – handle the move well, continue to write, serve, be productive – my well-adjusted self. As I’ve reiterated to my family and friends through phone calls, conversations and the blog, I’ve morphed into an emotional, poorly adjusted mess.

I’ve concentrated on the downside of retirement, the things I’ve missed – my first Christmas away from my Virginia home, the first snow (blizzard!), all the other firsts I’ve moaned about privately and to anyone who would listen. Oh, I’ve had sparks of settling in and there have been peaks to the ride. But adjusting, long-term, it’s-all-good adjusting, is only just starting to come.

Our house is being renovated. And the rooms have pretty much been turned upside down. Surprisingly, I’m okay with it; I expected my ordered mind to explode during this process. But I’ve decided I’m just numb. I’ve been sick, but also I’ve turned my emotions off.

Getting well after honking, snuffling sickness does wonders for the soul. I got up yesterday morning and breathed – through my nose! And life looked pretty good. I felt well enough to do some work, begin to get the place in order in a way that I have not been able to since we moved in. This morning, I had the coughing again, but it’s gone now and I’m feeling great. And for the first time, I felt retired, in a good way.

And I began to look at the upside of retirement. As James McDonald advises, replacing an attitude of complaining with thankfulness. And I realized that I’ve been thinking a lot about getting old and looking back instead of forward.

Steve and I had our children at a relatively young age and, if God wills it, we have years of enjoying life and each other ahead of us. We live in such a beautiful community with people who are sweet and dear. And 2009 has also been a wonderful year of firsts here – a neighborhood picnic on the fourth of July; a trip out into the country for field-fresh sweet corn; a pontoon convoy across two lakes, through a lock and down a river for fresh seafood; golf cart caroling; a Christmas parade across the lake in lit pontoons; and a sweet new year celebration with new friends.

I realized that I was letting God’s work, or lack of it, weigh me down. I was so intent on “serving”, as if it was work that I needed to do and didn’t know how to proceed with right now. All I feel the need to do at the moment is write this blog and settle into our home. And enjoy life! This is the first time in 20 years that I have not gone through an accounting year-end close process! I look at the days ahead with no bosses, no deadlines, no alarm clocks. And I feel enthusiastic, young, and ready for a Coke!