I had planned to write a blog around New Year’s Day called “Resolved…” Apparently I wasn’t as resolved as I thought. I was going to commit to write, exercise, organize, clean, the usual list. I was relieved I don’t smoke, as it would have been insurmountable. Turns out it was, anyway. If I can’t even compel myself to write a blog about commitment, how do I have any hope at all?
Then a friend recommended an amazing book to me yesterday. An amazing book now sitting on my Kindle and read 5% through, added to the list of amazing books on my Kindle and my bookshelves read about 5% through. Because you see, I have so many more important things to do – words to play in Words with Friends; recipes and animal pictures to pin; smart, hopefully funny, remarks to make in Facebook – critical things that, well, point to me!
It always comes back to me. And so, finally, in the early morning hours on January 21st, I resolved. You see, I know what it is that God wants me doing. And I’m pretty sure a lot of that has more to do with Him than it does with me.
It’s easy to recall how it feels to tell our kids to clean their rooms and have them procrastinate. But think back. I remember when it was my turn. My mom poking her head through the door and shuddering and telling me she wanted this mess cleaned up by supper. And I was resolved! But five minutes into it, there was that Archie comic book under the bed that, I’m not sure, but I may not have read. Just to be sure, I’ll read it again.
That was when it was more about entertainment than pursuing the me-ness of life. I wonder if God shudders at my messy life, at the times I’ve tried to corral my wandering thoughts to write, at the Precepts lesson laid aside to just quickly look to see if anyone has pinned anything interesting that I could repin and claim as my own because I’m so clever.
Paul said, Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. (Romans 12:1). My offering has been fairly minimal this new year.
I don’t think God frowns on my spending time playing on my laptop. I just believe there is a better way to do it than to carry around a chore list in my head, ignore it, play, and feel guilty about it.
So I am resolved…
To wake up early, like 6:30 early, six days a week so that I can write morning pages, a prebreakfast, prelaptop, but not precoffee brain dump hand-written onto three pages. I read several years ago that they will empty my mind of all the lists; dream snippets of buckling highways, snakes, puppies and whatever else is remaining from the night before; frustrations and plans. This is supposed to leave my brain empty (not a big task at all) and ready for creativity. I pray that God will use it for His glory.
To walk. I have actually walked Chloe, twice(!) since New Year’s. Moving this body is not something I dread. I will enjoy it once I’m out there. It’s like church on Sunday morning – I love to be sitting there but it’s the dressing, gathering my things and driving that I don’t enjoy.
To get back on Weight Watchers and relose the 8 pounds of the 30 that I lost last year. I’ve actually done that, sort of. I have been recording my points, except for the chocolate ones. Yeah.
To organize and clean. This one I’ve accomplished in a limited way. I’ll keep working at it because being organized will give me more time to…write, walk, study and read. So that at 7:00 PM when my brain tells me, "enough! It’s you time", I can sit down with my laptop and without guilt and find out what you have all been up to all day.
